Monday, August 10, 2009

Blogging in the Shallows

I can't believe I'm talking about this. Any time now, it'll be all over the headlines - SANDRA BACK IN REHAB!




Nonetheless, shallow as it may be, I must tell you. Today, I took my virginal feet to Merle Norman's Parksville salon, and I gave them into the care of the lovely Janice, who knows me already, because she is in charge of controlling my unwanted fur. I told her it was my first time. She was shocked. I told her I was frightened of having somebody come at my feet with sharp objects. She understood, and she used only an emery board, not clippers or scissors. I told her I had heard horror stories about people getting - EEK! FOOT FUNGUS! from pedicures. She reassured me. I had chosen this particular place to deflower my feet, largely because I knew that it was scrupulously clean, so I believed her.

While Il Divo sang in the background, my tootsies were soaked and scraped and massaged and oiled. Then I chose a coral nail polish, and Janice painted my toenails. It's amazing how much better they look than they ever have when I attempted to do it myself. I said so. Janice explained that it's hard to aim right when you're twisted up like a pretzel to reach your feet. True. True. It's not that I'm inept. It's perfectly understandable.

Oh - at this point, I said something about my nail polish getting thick toward the end of the bottle, and Janice told me a trade secret. I'll share it with you. If you keep the rim of the bottle clean by wiping it with nail polish remover before you put the cap back on, your polish will stay thin right to the bottom. There. A million dollar hint. Literally. You'll thank me later. I'll thank Janice.

When my pedicure was over, I was fitted with a pair of soft little black sandals. They're only 1/4 inch thick. Janice made me close my eyes while she slipped them onto my feet, so that I wouldn't try to help - because that way lies disaster. I'm still wearing them - two hours later - along with the tissues that were folded and woven around my toes. Oh - another hint - the tissues work much better than the foam things ("One size fits none", said Janice), mostly because they don't hurt. I may never put shoes back on, though I think I'll shed the tissues shortly.

There you go. It's over. I have soft feet and pretty toenails. And in the end, I think the process was less a deflowering than a reflowering. (I hear you can have that done in California, by the way. Life is strange.)


Poetikat said...

I might go blonde. I have a kit in the cupboard just waiting for me to take the plunge. Like the toe-nails!


John Hayes said...

Good for you to indulge yourself a bit!

Sandra Leigh said...

Never wanted to be blonde, Kat. 'fraid it would clash with my brown eyes. I like the toenails, too.

John, thanks. I have trouble getting past the guilt. I spent HOW MUCH on my feet? Eek. Oh, well, every sixty years or so, whether I need it or not. ;>)

Reya Mellicker said...

GREAT video, OMG.

Pedicures, here in the American south, are a requirement. I have to admit I do not enjoy the process but the results? Oh yeah.

Sandra Leigh said...

A requirement? Oy. Maybe they are here, as well, judging from Janice's shocked expression. I never got the memo. I've got it now, though. ;>)

willow said...

I'm fastidious about my feet. Pretty tootsies!

Sandra Leigh said...

Thank you, Willow. I'm fairly fastidious, too - but I'm broke and cheap in about equal measures, so I've become pretty good at DIY pedicures (except for the polish bit).

♥ Braja said...

My God, where DID you find that video???!!! It's adorable.

Missed you :))

Sandra Leigh said...

Hi, Braja. I hope you're still having a wonderful time in Australia. As for the video, it came to mind immediately (or the song did) because I'm old enough to have seen the movie "Flower Drum Song" when it came out.

The Unbreakable Child said...

Loves that video!!! Thank Janice for the tip and to you for you posting it. I'm glad you got the pedi and it looks fab!! I have a coffee can I throw change into for just that purpose a few times a year! : )

Barry said...

Sometimes there are side benefits to cancer. What has this to do with toe nails, you ask?

As I got older the harder it became for me to reach my toes to do a proper job of trimming my nails. I put it down to a lack of flexibility in my old age.

But since I've lost 50 lbs, I have no trouble at all. I sure haven't become more flexible, just thinner.

Of course I don't paint my nails (wow would that shock Linda) but now I can do the basics with some success.

The Clever Pup said...

That sounds niiice. My dentist provides wax hand treatments and reflexology. Surprised I said yes to the foot rub then had to quickly say NO as my feet are kind of gross. The hand treatment was fun though - felt like a giant sloth with my hands bundled up.

Elizabeth said...

What a lovely day you had.
From now on once a month!
The nail parlor is a shining place in my firmament.
I am the least 'glam' person on the planet
but neat nails and a little back rub keep me sane and happy

Sandra Leigh said...

Kimmi, that's a brilliant idea, the mani/pedi jar. (Note that all of a sudden it's mani/pedi, not just pedi. Heh.) I'll have to have a whole row of jars, as I have one for travel money and another for my occasional splurge (like the camera I bought a couple of months ago).

Barry, that you can find an upside to cancer is wondrous. Thank you, by the way, for the heads-up about the Lovin' Spoonful. I've passed it on to my daughter, who says "Yes, and it's my weekend off!"

Pup, the wax treatment to the feet feels wonderful - my younger sister has a home wax bath kit, and I got to try it out when I was with her in Texas. It's one of those things you should probably do in the kitchen, and with lots of plastic bags to hand, but it's great.

Elizabeth - once a month, eh? Wow. At $40 a pop for the pedi alone, I may have to settle for bi-monthly.

Kathryn Magendie said...

*laughing!* I remember My first time - teehee - last year....I've only had one since, but you are right, my feet and toes never looked better!

T. Clear said...

Pedicures are amazing. I had my first one a few years ago, and I was stunned by how good my feet looked afterwards. Proved that just about anything is possible!

Sandra Leigh said...

Hiya, Kat & T. The problem is, once you've done it, it's hard not to do it again. I got by for over sixty years on DIY pedicures. Now I think I need it done for me. Easily spoiled.

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